lesson 3

Here is Lesson 3 from my teen girls class on Wednesday nights. I'm using a book called "Can I Afford Time for Friendships?" by Stormie Omartian, Ruth Senter & Colleen Evans.

Girls Teen Class – Spring 2008
Lesson 3

Shared faith plays an important role in our deepest friendships. As Christians, I believe our relationships should be consecrated to the Lord and bring glory to God. That’s a difficult order to fill when one friend believes and the other doesn’t.

While we can have non-Christian friends, we must realize that we’ll carry with us a continual ache in our hearts for them. If we truly hope to bring glory to God through friendship, then we’ll want the best for our friend – to know Jesus. If we really care for a friend, we’ll be concerned about where he/she is going to spend eternity.

If you share anything of the Lord with a non-Christian, in some way it touches them. If not now, one day that friend will see Christ shining through. A Christian who is friends with a non-Christian can positively touch that person’s life. Plus, you may be the only Christian influence in that person’s life. That means the only way they will come in contact with Christ is through you. I know that’s a big responsibility but that’s the beauty of having the Holy Spirit with you. Sometimes, it’s just your example that sparks an interest in the Lord. They may get curious as to why you do/don’t do certain things. This gives you the perfect opportunity to show the Lord to them and tell them what a difference He makes in your life.

Now, all this isn’t to say our only reason for maintaining friendships with non-Christians is to bring them into the kingdom. Not all friendships will lead to someone accepting Christ. But a natural progression of caring for someone will be concern for his/her salvation.

Non-believers help us keep our evangelism tools sharp because they ask questions about our faith that challenge us to reevaluate exactly where we stand. If you find someone you like who isn’t a Christian, don’t shy away from a friendship with them. Accept the challenge that this kind of friendship can offer. As your relationship develops you can bless your friend with your love, kindness, and knowledge of the goodness of the Lord.

Friendships with non-Christians will always challenge us to grow. I know mine have. If you’ve ever been in a conversation about spiritual things with a friend, you quickly have to learn patience and perseverance. However, my love for them grew in the process. When these types of traits are evident in a friendship, then the relationship brings glory to the Lord. But, if friendship with a non-Christian doesn’t exhibit any of these traits, perhaps it’s time to stop and examine your motives for the friendship.

When it comes to relationships with non-Christians, we need to use discretion and discernment. What do these two words mean? Discretion – “Ability or power to decide responsibly”; “the trait of judging wisely and objectively.” Discernment – “The act or process of exhibiting keen insight and good judgment.” Now, such friendships can be rewarding, but we need to be especially prayerful about whom we befriend. If you’re in a situation where most of your friends are non-Christian, you have to be careful not to compromise what you know is right. Let’s read Romans 12:2:

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

As Christians, we walk a fine line in our friendships with non-Christians. We want to hold to what is right, yet not appear to be judgmental. We want to show love, not legalism. We must live what we believe and not allow unrighteousness or impurity into our lives because when we do, it begins to erode our Christian walk in subtle ways. What are some ways you think this could happen?

Here’s how I think you should gauge your friendships. If you are a godly influence in your friend’s life, the friendship is good. If she is an ungodly influence in your life, you’d be better off to find another friendship in which God is glorified. Now, in school, that can be a tough task if you find yourself in the latter situation. Your group of friends is pretty well defined and it’s hard to change that. However, you can reverse that situation so that you are the godly influence with a little perseverance and prayer on your part.

From the book I am reading for this class, the author gave a personal example that I wanted to read to you:

“My friend Vickie experienced the subtle pull of a non-Christian friend shortly after she joined the church. As a young, single woman, Vickie got involved with a handsome man. He appeared to be good “marriage material,” but it soon became evident her relationship with this man wasn’t bringing glory to God. The man pulled her away from church, away from God. But Vickie was blinded – she couldn’t see beyond this man’s good looks and smooth talk. Her heart became hard to the things of God, and one Sunday when the congregation was moved to tears by the message, she said, “I didn’t get a thing out of the sermon.” I ached for her. Gradually, she stopped going to church, and soon after that her life fell apart and she became physically sick. When her boyfriend eventually left her, she hit bottom and came back to the Lord. I asked her to examine the fruit of that relationship. “Think about all that happened to you,” I said. “Did he lead you closer to God or further away?””

In our friendships with non–Christians we need to assess the fruit that grows out of the relationship. What positive qualities or traits are we developing because of our friendship? Take a minute and think about the friendships you have right now. Does that person lead you closer to God or further away?

Now, I don’t want to spend the whole class talking about non-Christian friends. We should strive for those deepest and closest friendships to be with fellow believers. Let’s read Proverbs 27:17:

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

What does this verse say or mean in terms of friendships? It means that we have the ability to sharpen one another. We each provide positive input into each other’s lives. Our friendship strengthens our individual walk with God, and together we help each other overcome emotional hurts that keep us from experiencing the fullness of God’s love.

As we talked about last week, we need different people to fulfill different needs in our lives. The same goes for our spiritual needs. We need to be searching for people who strengthen/sharpen our lives as well as looking for people who we can strengthen/sharpen their lives. It’s important to strike a balance between friends who can further lead us in our faith and friends whom we can help lead.

If you’re surrounded by non-Christians and that’s the pool you have for making friendships, ask the Lord for a Christian friend. He’ll provide you one. Whether it’s one of the girls in this class or elsewhere, if you ask He will provide. He’s been known to bring things out of places you never expect.

When you become a Christian, many of your non-Christian friends will desert you. They think you’ve lost your mind by turning to what they perceive as all these rules of things you can’t do. They may also begin to look at their lives and realize that they aren’t living the Christian way and being around you makes them feel guilty. There’s a multitude of reasons. However, again, in this situation, if you ask God for Christian friends, He will bring the finest.

A common faith offers a strong foundation for friendship because it unites you with another person on every level of your being. While friendships with non-Christians are possible, and even important, they will never be complete. These friendships may be meeting many of your needs, but, as a growing Christian, it’s vital that our deepest bonds be with those who share our faith.