girls' class

I've started teaching the teen girls' class again at church on Wednesday nights. I gave them a choice of class topics and this one won. It's a class on friendship. I'm using a book called "Can I Afford Time for Friendships?" by Stormie Omartian, Ruth Senter & Colleen Evans. I thought I would post my lessons again for anyone interested. I only have about 30 minutes to teach so it's a short lesson and is pretty much my intro lesson for the quarter.


Girls Teen Class – Spring 2008
Lesson 1

Friends. Where would we be without those special people in our lives that share our joys and sorrows, support and encourage us, understand us, and accept us unconditionally?
It has been said, “To have a good friend is one of the highest delights of life; to be a good friend is one of the noblest and most difficult undertakings.” While friendship can be filled with many joys, it can present its share of challenges as well. It doesn’t just happen - it takes effort and time.

While we might have learned the basics of friendship in kindergarten – don’t hit, share your toys, be nice – as adults we can attest that relationships involve more than following a few simple rules. God designed us with certain nurturing and relational gifts. Our need for friendship is much deeper than us just needing someone to play with like we did when we were kids. Even as teens you feel a strong need for friends.

Let’s read Proverbs 18:24:

“There are ‘friends’ who pretend to be friends, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

How do we develop those friendships like the one described in Proverbs? Are they going to seek us out? Maybe. More than likely, no. We must make friendship a priority and reach out to find those friends.

But, what is a good friend? Let’s read 1 Samuel 20. This is the story of David and Jonathan. I think this example is always used when discussing friendship but it’s a great story. A little background…David is fighting the Philistines for King Saul. David has found favor with the Lord and has been very successful in his battles. Saul at first is pleased and loves David. However, the people start chanting about Saul killing thousands and David killing tens of thousands. Saul becomes angry and wishes to kill David. So David flees. Now let’s read the rest of the story.

What are some characteristics of this friendship? Honesty, loyalty, love, respect, selflessness.

There are three actions we should remember when building genuine friendships: know, care and remember.

As we spend time with a person we naturally get to know them – we share our personal history, our birthday, our interests, etc. You have to care about this person to want to get to know them. And with the knowledge we have about them, we can then make an effort to remember those things that matter to that person. Remembering is often the hard part. When you remember, it shows you care.

Besides these intentional actions, we must realize that friendship is a two-way street. There has to be a mutual interest on both sides for this friendship to grow and develop. It can’t be lopsided. Each person in the friendship must be able to lean on the other – the nurturing attitude must go both ways. There are times when one person needs the other more – such as in times of crisis, so in that regard the friendship might be lopsided temporarily. But, in general, over time there needs to be a more equal amount of give-and-take in the friendship.

Now, what are some ways we can get to know a person and show we care?

One of the most important ways to do this is to listen. However, listening is most successful when we are able to lay ourselves aside. It takes discipline to put another person first and actually pay attention to the things they are saying.

Take for example, when you meet someone new. You are trying to make a good impression. During the conversation, we’re often thinking of what we we’ll say next. So, the person isn’t getting our full attention. We aren’t really listening and as a result we can’t remember what that person said. So, are you guilty of having trouble remembering the things said because you are too busy thinking about yourself and how you are being perceived? Are you more concerned about being perceived as a good friend or listener or are you actually being a friend and truly listening to the things being said?

Putting yourself second is a spiritual discipline of sorts. It’s a tough road to focus on the other person. God intended for us to serve others.

Let’s look at some expectations we should have of our friends or they should have from us:

A friend accepts you for who you are – she isn’t out to change you. We all have shortcomings but as friends, we should be willing to overlook them. However, honesty is important, and we shouldn’t overlook a fault it if it hindering our friend’s walk with Christ. Hopefully, you are close enough to that person to speak the truth in love. The main work of a friendship is not to fix one another but to affirm and encourage one another.

A friend accepts us unconditionally and helps us to see our positives. She identifies our strengths and builds on the good that exists. The world loves darkness rather than light, and when we get hooked on the negatives, we can’t see the positives.

A friend is a cheerleader! Even though we may goof up at times, we need to know our friends are always in our corner, cheering us on.

A friend gives you the benefit of the doubt. God does this with us. Not that God winks at sin, but rather He calls it what it is and gives us a second chance. We should all be this way with our friends.

We are complex people, and the more complex we are the greater diversity we can expect in our friendships. Different friends fill different needs in our lives, and likewise, we can expect to fill different needs in the lives of our friends. We should never expect one person to meet all of our friendship needs. That’s a lot of pressure on one person. God is the only one who can meet all of our needs. However, one of the ways God meets our needs is to give us a variety of people in our lives.

But how many is too many? As Christians, we know we are to care about everyone, but where we trip up is in assuming we should be friends with everyone. That’s impossible. Genuine friendship takes time and energy and we are limited in those resources. We can value all the people God places in our lives. We can pray for them and love them. But we can’t expect true friendships with everyone.

Jesus, while on earth, had to deal with the same constraints we do. He offered a perfect model of friendship. Jesus developed deep friendships with a small handful of people. He chose twelve men to be with Him. Do you think He chose them only to build the kingdom of God? I don’t think so. I think he desired companionship as well. Of the twelve there were three He was especially close to and out of the three, there was one known as the disciple Jesus loved – John.

Can you think of others Jesus was close to while here on earth? What about Mary, Martha and Lazarus?

Jesus was limited by time when He walked the earth – just like we are. He couldn’t have deep friendships with everyone. But He loved and prayed for everyone including you and me.

So, to sum up. Friendship takes action on our part – to know, to care and to remember. It takes effort to listen, to lay ourselves aside, to give as much as we take. We are all blessed with friends and should be grateful to God for those special relationships.